This is what she came up with:
New Years Resolutions that WILL be kept without fail so I can prove that I am not a domestic and social misfit:
1. I will not come home and eat biscuits dunked in tea. I will start the day with some proper grown up exercises that are not Tree Fu Tom's 'moves to turn the magic on' when the kids are watching CBeebies.
2. Biscuits, Chocolates and all other sugar laden food and beverages will be swapped for anything that I can put Curly Kale in.
3. My 5 fruit and veg a day will be real fruit and veg and not consist of the following:
a) Raisins found in cake or biscuits.
b) Grapes that have been transformed into wine.
c) Slices of lemon in Gin and Tonic.
4. I will actually bother to do my hair and make up even if it's not a special occasion. Normally my beauty regime is based on the lesser of two evils namely, do I choose to brush my teeth or wash my face? In other words, would I rather go out with crusty eyes or bad breath?
5. I will get completely changed when I go on the school run and not wear my pyjamas beneath my coat.
6. I will shave before a forest grows on my person.
7. I will keep abreast of all school matters and not send the children dressed for a school pyjama party on the wrong day.
She wrote these in her diary, closed the book and reached for a packet of Jaffa cakes.
Funny Festivities: amzn.to/1OBSaGY
It is Autumn for Marianne Misfit. The weather is glorious and golden but there is the usual haphazard hilarity. Despite a farcical attempt at fancy dress, Marianne manages to survive the Halloween party from hell. The family trip to see the fireworks is a disaster ending in Marianne mud wrestling her daughter and her husband Andy trapped in a port-a-loo facing a three year old with a bad stomach. Christmas has lost its glow as Marianne is facing the problem of existing on a tight budget whilst trying to afford the usual presents and food. To make matters worse she has invited her snooty parents-in-law for Christmas dinner. Things get so bad that she almost calls the whole thing off claiming her children are infested with head lice. Her two friends Patsy and Lottie have different anxieties of their own, namely absent husbands and sore buttocks. Will Marianne salvage any Christmas presents from the goats? Will Lottie's blog continue whilst Colin's bottom is so sore? Will Patsy ever find out what her partner Jerry is getting up to in Thailand?
Funny Love: amzn.to/1Jw0Oqd
When Marianne Misfits visits her ever so perfect neighbour Patsy, she inadvertently opens a can of worms. Talking about ham stuck to her slipper somehow transforms into an embarrassing dissection of her sex life with her husband.
With their lunatic assumptions, odd advice and utterly embarrassing behaviour, Marianne's friends encourage her to embark on a series of hilarious attempts to spice up her love life with disastrous results, trips to Marks and Spencer will never be the same again.
Will Marianne finally get to the bottom of what her husband really wants in the bedroom?
Is Patsy's life as perfect as it seems?
And will Lottie's geraniums ever recover from the horrors of her 'Happy Ending Harness'?
This is a romantic comedy of misfits trying to spice up their sex lives and offering friendship of the heartfelt but humiliating kind.
This tale of one woman's plight to spice up her marital relations will have you either laughing at her misadventures or relating to her misguided but very real insecurities.