Tuesday, 12 January 2016

Mrs Misfit finds New Years Resolutions difficult

Marianne was struggling with her endeavours to get fit and healthy for the new year. Every morning she saw Patsy Perfect set off in her hot pink leisure suit for a quick run around the lanes before breakfast.

'That woman's a machine,' Marianne muttered to herself as Patsy's power jogging legs disappeared in the morning mist.

Looking in the mirror Marianne saw a woman in her late thirties with mad brown hair sticking out in spikes and large eyes shrouded by shadows.

She picked up her toothbrush and squirted paste onto it as she mused at her own failings.

It was of course ridiculous to think that January was a good time to improve oneself. The house was still bulging with unopened boxes of chocolates and biscuits. She had miscalculated how much cheese she should buy for the festive period and now had enough to open her own cheese business in the deep freeze.

'Still, Patsy seems capable,' she mused as she began brushing. Immediately her mouth was filled with a pungent acrid taste causing her to spit and salivate like a rabid dog. Unfortunately she had inadvertently squirted antibacterial handwash on her brush instead of toothpaste. This was proof enough that she should live a few more days on stilton and celebrations, after all, she couldn't let them go to waste.

Mrs Misfit is a mum of two, married to Andy and has two friends in her street, Patsy Perfect and Lottie Loudmouth. Their real names are Patsy Pervis and Charlotte Dangerfield-Van Horne but Marianne had privately given them their nicknames for obvious reasons.

There are two published tales of the hilarity and woe Marianne suffers trying to be a fabulous woman, wife and mother and only succeeding in being a domestic misfit.

Funny Festivities:  amzn.to/1OBSaGY

It is Autumn for Marianne Misfit. The weather is glorious and golden but there is the usual haphazard hilarity. Despite a farcical attempt at fancy dress, Marianne manages to survive the Halloween party from hell. The family trip to see the fireworks is a disaster ending in Marianne mud wrestling her daughter and her husband Andy trapped in a port-a-loo facing a three year old with a bad stomach. Christmas has lost its glow as Marianne is facing the problem of existing on a tight budget whilst trying to afford the usual presents and food. To make matters worse she has invited her snooty parents-in-law for Christmas dinner. Things get so bad that she almost calls the whole thing off claiming her children are infested with head lice. Her two friends Patsy and Lottie have different anxieties of their own, namely absent husbands and sore buttocks. Will Marianne salvage any Christmas presents from the goats? Will Lottie's blog continue whilst Colin's bottom is so sore? Will Patsy ever find out what her partner Jerry is getting up to in Thailand?

Funny Love:  amzn.to/1Jw0Oqd

When Marianne Misfits visits her ever so perfect neighbour Patsy, she inadvertently opens a can of worms. Talking about ham stuck to her slipper somehow transforms into an embarrassing dissection of her her sex life with her husband.
With their lunatic assumptions, odd advice and utterly embarrassing behaviour, Marianne's friends encourage her to embark on a series of hilarious attempts to spice up her love life with disastrous results, trips to Marks and Spencer will never be the same again.

Will Marianne finally get to the bottom of what her husband really wants in the bedroom?
Is Patsy's life as perfect as it seems?
And will Lottie's geraniums ever recover from the horrors of her 'Happy Ending Harness'?
This is a romantic comedy of misfits trying to spice up their sex lives and offering friendship of the heartfelt but humiliating kind.
This tale of one woman's plight to spice up her marital relations will have you either laughing at her misadventures or relating to her misguided but very real insecurities.

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