Wednesday, 13 January 2016

A disturbed night for Mrs Misfit

Extract from Mrs Misfit's Diary:

January 13th

Terrible night. Woke with perpetual wheeze in my chest like a death rattle. This lead to worries that the children were suffering in the same manner and therefore couldn't breath. This necessitated numerous futile trips into their bedroom to stare at them in the semi-darkness and listen to their breathing.

Sleep finally came in the early hours only to be disrupted by Betsy telling me she had a bogey and needed a wee.

Shortly after Betsy was safely returned to her nest the dog started whining because he thought we were all getting up. Fumbled my way down the dark, cold stairs to let him out. I then stood for twenty minutes at the back door, in the teeth of a wintry wind at six in the morning whilst watching a dog repeatedly change its mind as to where it wanted to wee.

Retuned to bed just in time for the alarm to go off signalling that I had one snooze of 10 minutes before I had to get up. Andy's snore ended with the words, 'I'm tired.' I could have cheerfully smacked him in the face - but resisted of course.

There are two published tales of the hilarity and woe Marianne suffers trying to be a fabulous woman, wife and mother and only succeeding in being a domestic misfit.

Funny Festivities:

It is Autumn for Marianne Misfit. The weather is glorious and golden but there is the usual haphazard hilarity. Despite a farcical attempt at fancy dress, Marianne manages to survive the Halloween party from hell. The family trip to see the fireworks is a disaster ending in Marianne mud wrestling her daughter and her husband Andy trapped in a port-a-loo facing a three year old with a bad stomach. Christmas has lost its glow as Marianne is facing the problem of existing on a tight budget whilst trying to afford the usual presents and food. To make matters worse she has invited her snooty parents-in-law for Christmas dinner. Things get so bad that she almost calls the whole thing off claiming her children are infested with head lice. Her two friends Patsy and Lottie have different anxieties of their own, namely absent husbands and sore buttocks. Will Marianne salvage any Christmas presents from the goats? Will Lottie's blog continue whilst Colin's bottom is so sore? Will Patsy ever find out what her partner Jerry is getting up to in Thailand?

Funny Love:

When Marianne Misfits visits her ever so perfect neighbour Patsy, she inadvertently opens a can of worms. Talking about ham stuck to her slipper somehow transforms into an embarrassing dissection of her her sex life with her husband.
With their lunatic assumptions, odd advice and utterly embarrassing behaviour, Marianne's friends encourage her to embark on a series of hilarious attempts to spice up her love life with disastrous results, trips to Marks and Spencer will never be the same again.

Will Marianne finally get to the bottom of what her husband really wants in the bedroom?
Is Patsy's life as perfect as it seems?
And will Lottie's geraniums ever recover from the horrors of her 'Happy Ending Harness'?
This is a romantic comedy of misfits trying to spice up their sex lives and offering friendship of the heartfelt but humiliating kind.
This tale of one woman's plight to spice up her marital relations will have you either laughing at her misadventures or relating to her misguided but very real insecurities.

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