1) You know you're a parent when you find LEGO in your bed.
2) A common product in your hair is marmite.
3) You rejoice in a sunny day, not because you can sunbathe but because you can get your washing dry.
4) Your garden is the most overgrown in the street.
5) Your voice becomes more high pitched and overly jolly when you feel most frustrated. This is most evident when you're trying to prise your toddler off a rocking horse in front of other people. You say, 'Come along Freddie, time for home,' in an exuberant manner when you, and everyone else knows that what you really want to say is, 'Get off the bloody horse. I'm tired and want coffee after spending three years in this playground!'
6) It's a common occurrence for you to say things like, 'You can't make mud pies because the mud is on holiday.'
7) People look anxious when you ask them what they're doing at the weekend in case you ask them to babysit.
8) You know the term 'snuggle' does not mean to snooze and cuddle beneath the duvet. It means someone using you as a trampoline, driving a car up and down your legs and sticking a My Little Pony up your nose.
9) You've developed a crush on Mr Bloom.
10) You have an audience whenever you go to the toilet or perform any acts of personal hygiene.