Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Struggling Domestic Goddess - The Idyl is not Achievable!

Nothing ever turns out like the scenes depicted in glossy lifestyle magazines. I flick through the pages and feel inspired by the pictures of folk ambling along blossom bedecked country lanes with an obedient dog trotting at their side. Children, dressed in bright colours, cheeks aglow with fresh air and joy, picking flowers and frolicking in the sun.

Yeah, well, I experience the following:

Dog smells rabbits and tries to bolt straight through wire fence. Spend fifteen minutes untangling him, praying there is no damage as I can't afford massive vet bills right now. (Plus of course, I don't want him hurt!!!!)

Child screams relentlessly after low flying aircraft scares her witless.

Rather than soaking up the atmos and enjoying the scenery I spend much of my time fashioning the dog's rope toy into an effective weapon should we ever meet anyone dodgy (I have total paranoia about the safety of the kids.)

Return home exhausted, covered in horse shit after the dog dived into a huge puddle of manure before returning happily to sniff and rub itself all over everybody and everything taking part in the outing. The only blessing was that we suffered a sudden torrential downpour which washed some of the effluence off.

Spend afternoon washing clothes and listening to the dog whine because, with all the fracas he didn't actually get a proper walk after all.

Deep joy.

Sunday, 21 April 2013

Struggling Domestic Goddess

I would make a rubbish cat burglar. With every fibre of my being I am desperately trying to practice the art of stealth as I traverse the children's bedroom at night to turn off thier lamp. Just when I think I have made it to the said lamp I manage to kick a packet of wet wipes across the room and lean on the noisiest pirate ship that lets off its canons triumphantly!
I am, as always, a struggling domestic goddess.

Sunday, 7 April 2013


'We all changed, we revelled in our greatness, we soared above everyone else, champions of the world, until, like little Icaruses, the sun scorched our wings and we fell to the earth.'

The Metamorphosis of Elissa Brown

The Metamorphosis of Elissa Brown will be available for free download on amazon starting 12 noon (GMT).

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Struggling Domestic Goddess

Being a successful domestic goddess was tricksy with one baby along with my creative endeavours jostling in the background demanding to get done.

My potential for casually putting together a nutritious meal in a kitchen bedecked with fairy lights that Nigella would be proud of whilst nonchalently typing on my laptop, nosedived when one child turned into two.

That was when the word 'struggle' seemed to feature prominently in my life. I am a struggling writer, illustrator and domestic goddess and therefore struggle to fit everything into each day. What I do not struggle with is finding humour and laughter in all trials and tribulations.

For example, when pulling out a tray of chips that, once again, were incinerated on one side and raw on the other, after they had romped through an hour of electricity I had a brainwave. Now I blitz the buggers in a microwave in little bursts til soft then pop them in the oven for the duration that it takes to cook a pizza - genius.

No anxious, long wait wondering if they will ever cook imagining our hard earned pounds flying off to the electricity provider. No struggling with toddler who is drawn to oven like moth to a flame, whilst my little girl wails about being hungry! Deep joy for little things.